Last week i did a really disappointing decision by giving up the competition which i longed desired for. Stupid me. I hate being sick at the wrong time. Thou Chef Adrian was just joking when he told me he despise me for giving it up when i didn't even tried. That word still clinged onto my head. But that moment i was totally dread off and my creativity doesn't seems to come into my mind and i feel so clueless back then and i tot it would be better if i gave up then losing the war when i haven start fighting?!!

Sometime i really wonder whats wrong with me? Is it me or is it the surrounding things that makes me change to a different people. I realized so much things have changed ever since last year. I had becoming a weird person with the most fuck up attitude problem! I could easily get fed up and scream at whoever who is there at that particular moment! Its not really scream la but i will just give him or  her that "WTH" look. Human being can be pretty scary. I had stop believing anyone but myself caused i see how human can be such a good actor and can be such a good pretender! No one is prefect and i still agree to this theory till now. To add on, its even tougher being a good person. People tends to take us for granted. No one will ever appreciate the little things you do for them, they could only see the flaws in you. As much as i wanted to be a good person, wanted to be kind and generous, the little evil in me stop me from doing that. Sighs. Sometime i hate to see why i ended up being this way and it just makes me want to be a bad person. I could only find back my own self when i'm with my family and bestie. They know me, they understand me. They accept my everything.. I just pray hard that, i could be a better person. I want to know how to handle stress and difficult situation at those moments that i need to.

Yesterday's night Bestie and Melvin waited for me at Yew Tee and we took train to Bestie's place for dinner. Her Mum cooks so much!! I was treated like a "VIP" as Cheryl claims. Haha but was really grateful to them for treating me like their family :D Thou it was a simple and short time spent with Bestie, i still enjoyed it. I really love her for being her, for being there for me, for being the greatest friend ever! No one can ever replace her in my heart.

This few days, J and me talked. We had a good time talking over everything that we had missed talking for the past 6 mths. He is still the same old J i knew back one and a half yr ago. How i wished we could stay this way... Miss you plenty! :D